He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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