At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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