I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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