I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
