I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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