Im at strip club and am horny
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
