what day is it and did you see me today?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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