so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
