So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
