i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
