Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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