Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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