Betty ford says i'm here all night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
