Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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