I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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