Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
