i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
