I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
