I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Alive.
So much puke
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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