Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize