I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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