how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
