the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
