I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
