Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
