I met the friendliest cop last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
