I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize