i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
