u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
