I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
