I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
