my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
