I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's paint friendship bongs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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