She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
