he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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