But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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