Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
