I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
