We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
