Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
