He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We left the knife in your bed.
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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