I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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