I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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