youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
