I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
