That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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