so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
