Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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