your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
