it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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