I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
