This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
