Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
