Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
