He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
