I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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