THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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