I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
