He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
