Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
