my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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