why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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