You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
