I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
