That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
