My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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