After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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